But what really sold me on your appeal was the fact that you were smarter than your average pretty-boy actor. You paid your dues on the small screen but quickly moved on to quirky roles in films like "Edward Scissorhands" and "Benny & Joon" to "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" and went from being cute to really, really cool.
I won't say I fell in love with you. I mean, we don't even know each other. But when you went on to star in movies like "Donnie Brasco" I knew you were the real deal and a crush-worthy actor if ever there was one.
But then a strange thing happened: Disney got their hands on you. When I heard that you had been cast in the movie adaptation of "Pirates of the Caribbean" I was skeptical. I was used to you as the guy who showed up in smallish films like "Chocolat" and the occasional collaboration with Tim Burton and a big-budget, tent-pole summer film seemed so....mainstream. But I pushed aside my doubts and saw "Pirates" during its opening week and was won over by your swishy, foppish Jack Sparrow. I found out later that you based your character on Keith Richards from The Rolling Stones and felt like I was in on an inside-joke. All was well with the world.
But, okay. It's not like any of these roles defined you. Right?
At least I thought so. Then you did THREE more "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies! Holy hell- it makes my head hurt to type that. I could understand two "Pirate" movies... maybe. I can also understand the appeal of living forever as part of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland-- who wouldn't want that? But between making the last of the Pirate movies you continued with the theme of heavy make-up and also starred in "Sweeny Todd" "Alice and Wonderland" and "Dark Shadows;" and I have to ask myself-- what happened to your career? (cough*Tim Burton*cough) The Johnny Depp of my youth would never have consented to do the gawd-awful Futterwacken dance at the end of "Alice in Wonderland."
Which is the only explanation I can find for this...
No offense, but I'm over my crush now.