Saturday, June 16, 2007
How much did I hate "Rise of the Silver Surfer"? I hated it so much I can't even quantify it. Why is it so bad? It desperately wants to be a comedy. It goofs in our faces, smirks, elbows, then expects us to smile and laugh with it. Nothing is as embarrassing as a bad comedy. Or a bad action comedy. Worst moment: Exposure to the Silver Surfer causes Johnny's molecules to become unstable. This leads to swapping powers when any of the other of the Fantastic Four touch him. On the street, his sister grabs him by the arm and bursts into flame. She screams hysterically and rises into the air. An amazed Reed Richards sees her hovering outside the window. Shouting to her through the thick protective plate glass window: "You're on fire," (at least I think this was what he said), she responds with a Valley Girl: "Ya think?" Johnny, who quickly swaps powers with Reed, stretches, grabs her, and brings her down to the sidewalk. There, she loses the power of flame, and is on the street----Naked!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...oh wait..lemme...catch a breath...HAHAHAHAHAHA. I was going to walk out after this scene, I almost never walk out on anything. I think the last film that I walked out on was The Exorcist: Part Two. However, I went with a friend, and so we suffered to the end of an insufferable film. What else was wrong with this bit of Rupert Murdock garbage? As predicted, Dr. Doom continues to be a cruel injustice to a magnificent villain. Standing tall, whining, waxed eyebrows hunching, he is the least malevolent bad guy imaginable. And he seldom touches his mask. I guess the producers felt that such a pretty face shouldn't be covered. Another indignity was the silver surfer who (if you love the surfer as a comic book hero, then brace yourself) draws his power from his surf board. So separate the man from the board and you beat him. Finally, Galactus, the cloud. What a great idea. Let's reduce the giant menace from a God to a cloud. Boy that will scare the kiddies. Puffs of cloud reaching for the planet. ooooooooh. So, that's it...Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer wins awards for worst film of the year. I promised myself I wouldn't see this crap and I broke my promise. I make a new promise though, and it's one I promise not to break: I will see no more of this franchise. Although given how atrocious this is, I can't imagine another one seeing light of day.