Thursday, April 26, 2007

Heresies-U-Like

A little while back our resident heretic, Stewart Sternberg, blasphemed most heinously by suggesting (cover your eyes, gentle readers) that "Star Trek Sucks!" There was, to put it mildly, some unrest amongst the goodfolk of this parish. The witch-burning was due for yesterday (marshmallows provided) but has been delayed due to bad weather. Mr Sternberg has taken advantage of the interregnum, and has escaped to the hills, whence he continues to preachify his unnatural preachins. HOWEVER, in his desperation to escape, he left behind him his blasphemous bible, The Big Book of Science Fiction and Fantasy Heresies. It is not known who committed these horrifying notions to paper (or human skin, as I suspect it may be). Obviously, it must be destroyed (Think of the children! Won't somebody please think of the children?) but I've managed to take a sneak peak and have recorded some of the vilest entries. Read on, if you dare...



1. "Ja Ja Binks isn't all that bad, really, I mean, c'mon, Star Wars is a kids film"
2. "All in all, you can see why the Stargate SG-1 has been going for ten seasons, when Firefly didn't even get through one. It's just a better show."
3. "The writers of Lost know how it's going to end. It's certianly not going to be a hastily cobbled together mishmash of storylines filmed on a drastically reduced budget like the final season of Alias."
4. "Bobba Fett's a bit shit, really, isn't he?"
5. "The poems in Lord of the Rings are really great!"
6.
"I miss Captain Janeway, don't you?"
7. "I was never sexually attracted to anyone in Buffy."
8. "When you think about it, you start to realise that the best sci-fi around is on the Oxygen network. Those repeats of Touched by an Angel knock BSG into a cocked hat."
9. "The X-Files was so much better without Mulder. I never got that guy."
10. "Those Eragon books are crap, aren't they?"
11. "Serenity was a let down. I hate Joss Whedon"
12. "The Hitchikers' Guide to the Galaxy movie is funnier than the books."
13. "I hope Robert Jordan's got another eleven volumes of The Wheel of Time, I just love how it keeps getting longer and longer."
14. "Wil Wheaton is hot."

Alas! Gentle readers, I can bring myself to write no more! I feel mine very soul being rent from mine breast (ahem). But if you brave souls have heard of any other science fiction heresies, blasphemies, or just out-and-out SINFUL SPEAKINGS, add them to the comments... I'm going to Confession.

20 comments:

SQT said...

Rotfl! I love this.

Let me see.

-William Shatner is one of the best actors, ever.
-The characters and acting in the latest Star Wars trilogy wasn't wooden at all. And the character development was soooo layered and realistic.
-The movie adaptation of Starship Troopers was so much better than the book.
-Eragon isn't the slightest bit derivative.

I will think on this some more...

Hey there, Skippy said...

How can you not love the Starship Troopers movie? It's hysterical!

Burn Her!

Crunchy Carpets said...

Ok..no. 10 IS true...Eragon the book IS crap.

Seriously..how can anyone say that was a well written book...

that and the Serenity thing....true...the rest IS blasphemy!

Thanks to Starship Troopers we have soooo many first person shooter games like Halo, etc.

jedimerc said...

I have to agree, Eragon was total crap... but I loved Starship Troopers for what it was, though I was never really a fan of Heinlein. I just couldn't get his style, and well, I absolutely despise Buffy and not a fan of most of the people in the show either... so let the fires burn for me :)

And how can you not like William Shatner on Boston Legal? He's the best thing on the show, perhaps even the reason the show is still around.

SQT said...

Wow, I didn't know Starship Troopers was so sacred.

I liked the movie, I just know there are so many purists out there who have fits over it.

And I love Shatner. But really, a great actor? I think his real talent lies in that he's not afraid to make fun of himself.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

There's quite a few who agree with those listed. I DO miss Captain Janeway.

Jeff said...

Starship Troopers the book was good, the Movie was a recruitment film. I dont know any male of age who would not have run out and joined the MI if such a thing exsisted....I am sure US Military recruiters loved the Starship Trooper influx...lol

As for SG1 being better than Serenity? Not happening, it is a better show for what it is but what it lacked Serenity was a better show for what it brought.

avery said...

How about, "The Matrix Reloaded had everything to do with the rest of the story and wasn't just a glorified music video."

SolShine7 said...

LOL. I agree with Stewart. Star Trek is overrated and boring, except the Borg. They're the coolest thing that came out of it all.

The Star Gate TV series is worse than Star Trek.

I don't have a desire to watch anything by Wendon (Serenity or Firefly) unless I feel like laughing.

And here's the last nail in the coffin...I thought Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie was better than the TV series. The movie was funny, light and featured Luke Perry with an awesome gotee. I'd take that over Sarah Michelle Gellar anyday.

I guess I'm not the conventional SF fan. But I like it that way! ;)

SolShine7 said...

Oh--and the Starship Troopers movie rocked! It's silly but Casper Van Dien made it fun. Did you know they're making a sequel called? Starship Troopers: Marauder. It's on IMDb.com.

DesLily said...

from an "insider" I learned long ago (before boston legal) that shatner loved comedy... could be why he's doing well with boston legal huh?

have to admit the list is funny when read all together like that lol. But hey.. not everyone likes or dislikes the same things.

like.. i didn't think eragon (book) was bad. Don't think it's anywhere near great either.. but I've certainly read worse!

SQT said...

Deslily

I've tried a couple of times to read Eragon and I just can't stand it. Maybe it's me, but it seems sooo over-written. Too many descriptive words-- stuff like that. I know it's supposed to be written by a 15 year old, but still...

As far as different tastes, well, just look at how emotional people get over books and movies. I mean, how dare any of us take Joss Whedon's name in vain?!

I think it's all good fun though. I don't really care too much if people disagree with my taste. I never claimed to have any in the first place.

Hageltoast said...

I didn't understand 13 so I have obviously missed something and am rushing off to rectify that.
I am horrified that the others were ever thought, let alone written. *shudder*.

Hey there, Skippy said...

Hageltoast, our horrified reaction proves that there is still hope for the goodfolk of this parish. I had kind of hoped Stewart would have something heretical to say...

Alex said...

Actually, I have to agree with #s 2, 10, and 11. Stargate beat the crap out of Firefly! Eragon books were horrid (though I make allowances for them being kiddy books written by a teenager), and Serenity wasn't nearly as cool as the Firefly series.

Funny thing, the guy who wrote the script for Starship Troopers never read the whole book. They only called it ST because somebody noticed his (working title) "Bugs in Space" project was so similar in premise.

Alex said...

"And here's the last nail in the coffin...I thought Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie was better than the TV series. The movie was funny, light and featured Luke Perry with an awesome gotee. I'd take that over Sarah Michelle Gellar anyday."


OMG! Well put!

How do you beat Kristy Swanson as a cheerleader vamp killer who gets "cramps" whenever a baddy comes near? And the lack of Pee Wee Herman in the television series really ruined it for me.

"Heeeee took my aaaaarm. Kill him alot!"

Peter P said...

Firefly/Serenity is not even science fiction.

It is a story about life in a dim future. It has almost no sci-fi elements. (Other than the fact that characters live inside a rocket ship.)

Kate S said...

Oh, my aching head! I must go lie down now. This was too much. I feel ill.

SQT said...

Kate, sometimes it's just best to shake your head and walk away. I do it often...

Quixotic said...

From the comedy Spaced - "Babylon-5's a big pile of shite!"