Thursday, February 01, 2007

Beware of Stepford Wives

I can think of no creature that is more dangerous to the well being of humanity than the Stepford Wife. These insidious beings slip into our culture and our collective conscience when we're not looking; creating all kinds of unrealistic expectations between men and women and fomenting strife. I don't know how or why these fembots were created, but they need to be destroyed before they do more harm . How do you recognize a Stepford Wife you ask? Excellent question. In days past any women who emulated the string pearled perfection of June Cleaver would be immediately suspect. But times are not so clear anymore. I would suggest, however, that any woman resembling Roseanne Barr in looks or general attitude is definitely not a Stepford Wife. Today's Stepford Wife will undoubtedly start as the picture of the model wife, cheerfully cooking dinner and raising spotless children. Behind closed doors I fear this is not the truth. See, the Stepford Wife is no longer the man-pleasing creation we once thought. Oh no, they have developed beyond their previous technology and have motives all her own now. I believe it is their ultimate desire to emasculate the men they snare into their trap. They will lure men in with their youth and winsome beauty and once they have made their husbands believe all is well, they will turn into income sucking shrews like Victoria Beckham. Who then begin to lose their human-like appearance as they leech the soul out of their husbands for commercial gain. There are also future generations of Stepford Wives in training that men need to also be wary of. Fortunately, Paris Hilton's computer brain had a major malfunction before she became completely operative; though she has managed to confound some of the less intelligent men out there. Even without full functionability, these robots can still damage a weak man. But vigilance is needed if we are to prevent further creations like Katie Holmes who managed to turn an unwitting Tom Cruises brain to mush in record time. It can happen that fast. So I implore you men out there, be careful. If a clean looking Lindsay Lohan type asks you for a date, tread carefully my friends. If she cooks flawless meals and cleans house while wearing lingerie, be very very scared. This warning may save your life. As I am sure you already know, the White House is lost. So we must look to ourselves for protection. Be vigilant, by very vigilant.

22 comments:

cj said...

Nice Blog!

SQT said...

Thanks CJ.

*sigh*

My efforts at comedy are just not appreciated.

Steven Novak said...

But they're so hot... ;)

Steve~

mist1 said...

I love this one.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Bree from 'Desperate Housewives is a good Stepford Wife.

SQT said...

Oh, I love Bree. She's so repressed. In short, the perfect Stepford Wife.

The Curmudgeon said...

I'm afraid PH achieved full functionality some years ago; there's video evidence, from what I've read in the papers. It's the processor that's defective.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Ti be fair, I am pretty sure that Tom Cruise's brain was much already.

Neila said...

I know one of these women! Our children are in Gymboree together. Must. Protect. Myself. :-)

SQT said...

Curmudgeon

I was definitely PH brain that fried. She's about half functional.

Stewart Sternberg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

luckily i will never be mistaken for one! ha!

but laura? my fav f.l. laura? tell me it isn't so..... please???

smiles, bee

Stewart Sternberg said...

SQT..I want you to know I posted, then deleted it. I just now wrote another posting, a really vicious one, and deleted it again. How hard it is for me to avoid being political. All I'll say is that my comment actually had the phrase "vagina dentata"

SQT said...

Stewart

I have no idea what that means. But go ahead and get political. I don't mind.

Bee
I'm just kidding.

Alex said...

Where can I find a Stepford wife of my very own? Hot, hot, and more hot!

sAssY brOwn said...

I have a sneaking suspicion that Angelina Jolie part deux is a Stepford wife, or, er, Stepford mother anyway. Or maybe she really is perfect. );

SQT said...

Oh Hell, you could rewire my brain if I would end up looking like Angelina Jolie.

Stewart Sternberg said...

I've said this before, and it upsets people, but Angelina Jolie's lips make me feel like Hannibal Lecter. I want to bite them off and eat them. Yummm. She is too hot.

SQT said...

Well, I don't really want my lips eaten. But I still wouldn't mind looking like Angelina.

Alex said...

There are so many better looking Hollywood whorebags to hope to look like.

To name a few:

-Kate Beckinsale
-Anne Hathaway
-Bridget Moynahan
-Jessica Biel
-Mandy Moore
-Jennifer Connelly

Asara said...

*sigh* if only I would be propositioned by a Lindsay Lohan look-alike.. ;)
I have to agree with Jon on Tom Cruise.. but I've never really been a big fan of his anyway :D

SolShine7 said...

LOL! That picture of Laura Bush and TomKat is hilarious!