Friday, October 27, 2006
Nate was lying in bed, debating on the pros and cons of answering nature's increasingly demanding calls. Finally, deciding that he felt too lazy to change the sheets for the third time this week, he staggered out of bed toward the bathroom. Normally Nate didn't glance in the mirror before answering nature's call, preferring to do search and destroy missions with the zits on his face with an empty bladder. But a quick sideways glance caused Nate to pause and take a look. And to his amazement he saw something that hadn't been there when he went to bed. At least he didn't think so, though he had had a few appletini's the night before. Sure enough, there, right on his upper lip perched a black mustache. It was a kind of odd, Salvador Dali looking thing and Nate thought for a second it might have been drawn on by his mother, who was still trying to get him to move out. But when he moved closer to the mirror he could see that it was in fact real. Thinking that Mom might have taken things to the next level and glued the thing on, he started tugging on it to see if the glue would come loose. But once he touched it, he could actually feel that the follicles had really come out of his face. Looking at himself in wonder and at several different angles, Nate marveled that he could grow a mustache so rapidly and wondered at the strange color. Nature, not to be denied, forced Nate to consider the new development without the mirror for a minute. And Nate couldn't help think, while standing there, that maybe, just maybe he was now as cool as the Nate Smith with the goatee. But fate wasn't to allow him to ponder the situation too much longer. Without warning, his nemesis Nevins Manafe burst into his room flinging steel ninja stars at Nate. Nate barely had time to pull his pants up as he frantically tried to find his nunchuks. Unfortunately the only thing in reach was a prosthetic leg Nate had lying on the floor. Grabbing the leg and swinging it at Nevins, Nate had to ask, "What are you doing here?" Nevins, grinning evilly answered "I told your Mom I was going to help you find an apartment and she let me in." "Drat," Nate replied, "She couldn't possibly resist that, you evil genius." Nevins raised his katana, "No more talk Smith, it's time to end this. Though I must say, it's a shame to kill you now that you have such a nice mustache." "En Guard!" Nate yelled as he swung the leg at Manafe. Much to his surprise, the leg made an impressive weapon. Swung just right it could deliver a vicious round house kick, and he managed to land several on Manafe before his enemy knew what hit him. While Manafe stood dazed and swaying, Nate considered grabbing his nunchucks off the nightstand. But having too much fun with the leg, he just keep using to kick Nevins until he finally fell unconscious to the floor. Amazed at the ease with which he dispatched his enemy, Nate picked up his nunchuks and attempted to swing them around in the patterns he had seen Bruce Lee use in “Enter the Dragon.” Without any hesitation the weapons seemed to move in perfect execution and Nate didn’t hit himself in the head once! Wondering where this newfound ability came from, Nate felt a twitch on his upper lip. Reaching up to scratch the now itchy area, he remember the mustache. The mustache! That must be it, he thought. The mustache is magical. Cooooool. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, Nate had a rare moment of clarity and remembered that he had a job interview that afternoon. Stumbling over the prone Manafe, and realizing that his newly acquired ninja skills apparently didn't apply to walking, Nate grabbed some clothes out of the closet and got dressed. Deciding to leave Nevins to fend for himself, Nate started for the door. But not wanting to answer any awkward moving out questions from his Mom, he decided to jump out the window instead. About halfway out he remembered that he was on the second floor and he started to panic. But after feeling that same odd twitch from his mustache, he continued out the window and confidently landed with the grace of a cat. Feeling good after his triumph over Nevins, Nate confidently started walking to his job interview. Along the way he noticed more than a few admiring glances and received many cheerful greetings from the other pedestrians. Hmmm, he thought, this mustache seems to give me great powers of charisma too. Awesome! Feeling good, Nate started waving back at the other people. He started humming Staying Alive and doing the John Travolta strut, but after having to fend off too many male admirers, he decided he had to contain his newborn coolness. Before long he made it to the job interview. Confidently walking in the front door he approached the receptionist. Leaning in on the counter and casually stroking the mustache Nate addressed the receptionist. "I'm here for the desk monkey job." Swooning a little, the receptionist breathlessly told him to wait while she told the boss he was there. Before he had a chance to hand over his telephone number, his interviewer arrived. Noticing that she was looking Nate up and down and licking her lips, he knew he was a shoo-in for the job. Closing the door to her office when they got there, Nate had a moment of nerves, but remembering his new repertoire of ninja moves, he knew he’d be able to fend off the most aggressive advances. Fortunately, his boss-to-be had great restraint and merely sat down. Smiling at Nate she said, “You appear to have the exact qualities I am looking for in my new assistant.” “Really?” Nate replied before he could think of anything more clever. “Oh yes,” she said, “and let me say, that while you smell really good, there’s something about that mustache that just....” She hesitated. Nate leaned in for the answer............ To Be Continued....... This is dedicated to my new friend Nate Smith. If you haven’t been to his blog Nate is a Blog, then you don't know what you're missing. He is the funniest guy I have seen in the blogoshpere yet.